Before I left for Chile my Aunt Karen gave me a journal so that on top of this blog I have something for myself to collect my experiences and look back on when this whole trip is just a memory. Every couple pages the journal will say something instead of just being a page to just write and today I stumbled upon one labeled: Things I Am Learning. Now at first of course I thought of simple things like : Spanish(obviously), how to use public transportation, and how to not stick out as completely foreign. And then I thought a little longer.
You see what they don't tell you about living life in a different language is how much you change. And ya ya ya I know what you're thinking; " Well duh you change it's a different country! You're going to gain worldly knowledge and be all cool and travel-hipster when you come back!" But I think the strangest part of it all is when the change occurs. I guess I didn't expect that I would seem changed to myself for one and also that things about my personality would change while I was here.
So Here's What I Have Learned(and am learning more everyday):
1. About learning a 2nd language~~~ It's really frustrating not communicating. Yes, it takes time. yes, every day it improves. Yes, people will look at you funny. And yes, it. will. exhaust. you. But you lay your head down for a good nights rest, wake up the next day and start it all again. One day you'll feel so confident having held complete conversations and others you'll feel right back at square one. It's a roller coaster of emotions and it's the biggest challenge I've faced in my (almost) 20 years of life.
2. About living in a big city~~~ There are a lot of people. There's always a lot of noise. AND PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SUCKS. Google Maps says the trip will take 25 minutes? You better leave an hour early because you never know when the bus will be late, when there will be too many people in line or how many times you'll get lost along the way. So you figure out that 10 min on the metro will take about 25 minutes walking, that if you hadn't spent the time switching your backpack to the front(you know to not get pick pocketed) and falling all over the place on the metro you could find a new café to hangout in for a while, and that there are AMAZING artisans selling stuff on the streets every day!
3. About Perspective(both literal and figurative): It is absolutely everything. In a new city there is nothing more destructive to your experience than right-off-the-bat-routine and here's what I mean. How can you know that there's a beautiful park on the corner if you're way to work/school/whatever you may fill your day with is in the opposite direction? My point is there are endless paths to walk and always new places to be discovered so why limit yourself?? You never know what you'll find unless you simply take a different way to work everyday or just make a point to explore with no destination.
And figuratively of course. When I left my last class of the first week of school I felt completely overwhelmed. In over my head in every possible way. And I thought to myself that this semester is going to suck. And then I threw on my hypothetical brakes to my train of thought and flipped that baby in a new direction. Because why should school have to be so horrible?! So now this is how I think. This is all a learning process. So my teachers are impossible to understand? Well I'm determined to use every hour of class to be able to improve my listening and understanding skills. I realize how hard this whole process is and know that it will only improve, only get easier if I have patience. Seriously, there should be therapy for study abroad students because this is a conclusion I didn't come to easily.
Oh and the whole personality change thing. I guess the biggest thing is that I've never considered myself shy or not outgoing before. I usually try to be quite friendly, but take the California girl and displace her thousands of miles into a spanish-speaking country and that sure will shut me right up. Most of it comes along with a little bit of embarrassment trying to speak and therefore it's easier to stay silent. Also the chilean people aren't necessarily the type to strike up conversation with the awkward gringa. It is completely up to me to form relationships here and I feel completely unequipped of a extremely outgoing personality to be able to do that. So every time I think "omg no way I'm talking to that person to ask something" I force myself to snap out of it and give myself a shove out of my comfort zone. Let me tell you that is hard! It's one thing if you've ever had friends who bring you along to do things you're not used to but this is completely up to myself. I have to push myself to be more outgoing. I have to consciously decide to make myself do something I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO. Talk about confusing. I think this is why at the end of the day I am completely exhausted. Not only do I spend my day trying to think in Spanish but I spend my day struggling to find the courage to go ask a stranger for help, or what we learned in class, and so much more.
So the moral of the story is that studying abroad is an amazing experience. "What?? But Faith you just spent 6 paragraphs telling us about everything that sucks??" Ya as weird as it sounds that's what makes it so amazing. You will get frustrated beyond belief. You will most definitely cry from said frustration(I know I did), but once you actively decide to change your perspective you will find that looking on the bright side of things is a whole lot less stressful! and fun!!!
Well I hope my chilean enlightenment has not made you worry about my mental health and has encouraged you to stop grumbling about how much work you have to do (I have over 100 pages to read by tuesday). I hope I'm able to maintain this peace of my mind when I get to my first term papers, but I'll just look back at this post and think "if you thought this way once you can do it again!" Thanks for sticking around for my blogs even when I don't have new wild adventures to talk about.
Oh and here's a picture of the Andes after a morning of pouring rain. How amazing they looked probably has some sort of symbolism for my experience I'm sure. Until next time everyone!
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